Good morning, I woke up still groggy from the meds I took last night trying to fight of this common cold but feel inspired to share a recent situation ive been in as I do think many can relate to.
I was employed at a large global company, I came in from a different industry and like most got thrown in head first into a pool of chaos but i made my way out of it through sheer determination and constantly telling myself that I am not a quitter and can get through anything.
As time went by, I learnt more and was on top of my game. It definitely wasn’t easy, apart from the highly pressured job, the environment and people, well let me be fair, the people in my team derived from a pure breed of bitch. You could only trust a few. I did make many friends within the company but mainly from other divisions. I didn’t care if I was a favourite or not as I believe my work should speak for me not how long my tongue is.
There were many internal politics and the more you got to know people the more you would realise how fake happy so many were. It was sad.
I actually love working and give all of me into whatever I did and do. That place made me realise how under rated freedom, time and flexibility is. I remember sitting in there some days, longing to just even see what I beautiful day it is outside, even to just see daylight.
Negativity is draining and constant negativity feels like you wish you couldnt hear anymore. I felt as though my soul was slowly being drained, I knew I needed change and to get out but there were always obstacles, maybe the timing wasnt right as things just didnt work out.
So I stayed, I did try to move within and make the most of it while there not letting anyone get me down, keeping myself motivated with postive affirmations etc.
I did have a few enjoyable moments here and there, met good people and absorbed as much knowledge as I could but is that enough? Friends and relationships you will keep so when they are taken out of the equation and things are weighed up, there isn’t much left.
I got to the point that I was so on top on things that I felt bored, I knew I was capable of more and want to do and give more but couldn’t. It is a strange feeling. Finally changes were happening within the company and I decided screw this, I’m not going to be a dead fish and go with the flow of what these people think and let my future be in their hands. So I grabbed the opportunity and made the decision to leave.
Once I made the decision, I never felt happier, in fact even people who didnt know my decision said to me I was glowing and they’ve never seen me happier. There was a huge weight lifted off me, I could breathe.
There were many uncertainties, like finding a new job, not being in the same situation again, I mean how do u ever really know what its going to be like on the other inside? Many people were worried for me and thought I was making a rash decison while others applauded my bravery for not choosing not to be walked over. The question of, is the grass greener , often came up but it was a risk I felt I needed to take.
My personality, my true self was being suppressed and pretending to be happy, content and whatever else we needed to get by is just not who I am.Maybe I am naive but I believe that you should love, if not at least enjoy what you do, as it is a large portion of your life that you spend doing it and also the place you choose to be at.
Yes, jobs are difficult to come by especially those dream for fulling ones but I came to the point that I will want to persue that search. Talking about it and complaining to my ever patient and understanding friends helped me get through but change begins with you and for the first time in a long time this felt so right, made me feel like I have control of my life again even though I was left jobless.
I believe in myself, my capabilities and through this experience I’ve learnt, I might not have an exact idea of what I want but definitely know what I don’t and feel it’s a good place to start.